Kids and babies are nice as long as they are not yours. Parents act so happy and make you think that they have the perfect life ‘cause they have managed to make a family while you haven’t. And make you feel bad about it. I don’t say they are unhappy and curse the moment they’d decided to make a family in the first place but in the back of their heads regardless the fact that they love their kids more than their own lives they are still thinking why they don’t have a normal care free life any more. They can’t go out and socialize any time they want anymore, they can’t plan ahead their lives, dream and set goals or even organize last minute escapes that they used to do B.B. (before baby). Their babies control their lives and they will continue to do so for many forth coming years! They have more responsibilities on their shoulders, they think their baby first before themselves and the worst of all they don’t have a life anymore as their whole lives revolve around their baby… Oh my God I am stressed and tired even writing about it!
On the other hand, when they are new in parenting and everything looks scary and rocket science, they tend to move out of their non-parent friends circle because they don’t have things in common anymore. They only talk about their babes and how many times their angel poops, which formula they use, breast-feeding, dummies, nappies and which one was the latest achievement of their baby which most probably would be a burp, a fart or their first giggle! How exciting! Obviously they don’t do it on purpose, that little baby is bossing around their lives now! I don’t know how they manage! It’s a wonder! I have reached an age while all of my school, uni and further on, friends are married and have children of their own. It’s like a spreading disease, my sister goes through the same with her own friends and she is younger than me. It doesn't panic us, it makes us feel a bit older than we are. My sister is actually allergic to babies and I am not kidding.
So I am a woman right? I have a womb right? So what? I do not understand why everyone expects me to be a mother? Yes, I am 29 years old almost close to my expiration date and still my mother instinct hibernates. Who knows for how long, maybe I actually don’t have one at all. I go crazy when I see animals –dogs and cats- around not when I see babies in push-chairs. But why this would sound strange to you? Are we all females made to like babies or made to produce babies? Well, to be honest I don’t think everyone is made to be a parent or is able to be one. To be a parent, comes with responsibilities and needs balls that I don’t think everyone has.
Society and religion taught you that getting married or having a baby is the ultimate objective of your existence. I question that. Not everyone is able to bring up a child. This is the main reason millions of children end up growing up in problematic environments, in inappropriate foster families, cold orphanages etc. Other children were brought into this world from mothers they are still children themselves just for the benefits and having no father figure around or just because of an accident. Accidents do happen, but there is no need to keep a baby if you are not financially and emotionally ready or mature enough to be a parent. It’s not like bringing a pet at home; it’s a baby, which needs valuable time, money and your full attention for the next 20 years or so.
I am not ready for that yet, I don’t know if I will ever be ready for that, I might be in a few years time, I might not. Maybe I will be ready when I find the right one. I feel that insisting to having your own baby is a bit selfish when other children are deprived of a family and a home. You can still be a parent if you adopt a child that needs a home, there is no actual need in bringing another human being onto this overpopulated planet, there is no need to pass on your DNA. I would love to adopt a child instead one day. I do not know if I will make the perfect mother but at least I would have done something I think is honorable and not selfish, I would have save a child that was in need.
At the moment, I am just a carefree single lady myself and I have nothing to think about but myself. On the other side of Europe though, back home, a little angel was born 4 months ago. It’s my godson and his name is Nicolas. Being a distant godmother is not as easy as I thought. I only get to see Nicolas growing up through pictures, I regularly receive from his mum –my best friend. I see him eating or sleeping and sometimes farting or burping on Skype calls, which I actually find really funny, and I will definitely miss his first word and his first step. I won’t be always around to share moments that could bond us for life. I won’t be there to see him growing up.
I will always be the godmother who visits on holidays and sends presents from abroad. I won’t be able to buy his love and respect in that way. These are things you earn everyday, every moment you get to spend with them. My cards or emails can’t replace my presence, my digital kisses and hugs could never replace the real ones I would give him. But he is my godson and he will always be in my heart. I love him so much even if I haven’t met him or held him in my arms, let alone kissed him yet. I haven’t actually figured out yet, how I can be part of his life. It’s hard.
I was aware of all these way before I had decided to ask to be his godmother, but I didn't know how painful it would feel. I thank his parents and my best friends whom I had witnessed at their wedding, for entrusting me with this honorable responsibility. It’s a blessing especially for me. But I have let them down already. I haven’t planned to be visiting him soon and the Christmas present I was planning to send has stuck somewhere in the middle. A baby visual monitor that is out of stock even online… Books and clothes as well which I can’t decide which I should buy because I am a complete ignorant about babies.
But since this baby was born I get to think that I actually have a baby in my life which may not be mine, but I will be his distant “mother” till I die. And being far is the easy part in terms of bringing up a baby that could turn your life upside down. I am proud of my friends for becoming parents, because I find really hard to let go of my freedom and my time. Being a godmother, at least, doesn't involve a 24/7 attention and responsibility. In my case it will be even less than normal. And that is what is actually sad.
But....I am the coolest part time godmother ever and that’s all it counts in the end!
La Petite Grecque
Jan 2015